The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet - Guy Wetmore Carryl

Every now and then, we have to take a break from the serious and the truly great and enjoy something simply silly and comical.  So, while it doesn't count as a prank, this poem seemed appropriate for a day set aside for jokes and humor.  Just try reading it out loud without a smile on your face!  My 4th-graders absolutely loved this one when we read it a few weeks ago.  It was a great one for teaching them what a pun is, too.  :)

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet discovered a tuffet,

(Which never occurred to the rest of us)

And, as 'twas a June day, and just about noonday,

She wanted to eat -- like the best of us:

Her diet was whey, and I hasten to say

It is wholesome and people grow fat on it.

The spot being lonely, the lady not only

Discovered the tuffet, but sat on it.

A rivulet gabbled beside her and babbled,

As rivulets always are thought to do,

And dragon flies sported around and cavorted,

As poets say dragon flies ought to do;

When, glancing aside for a moment, she spied

A horrible sight that brought fear to her,

A hideous spider was sitting beside her,

And most unavoidably near to her!

Albeit unsightly, this creature politely

Said: "Madam, I earnestly vow to you,

I'm penitent that I did not bring my hat. I

Should otherwise certainly bow to you."

Though anxious to please, he was so ill at ease

That he lost all sense of propriety,

And grew so inept that he clumsily stept

In her plate -- which is barred in Society.

This curious error completed her terror;

She shuddered, and growing much paler, not

Only left tuffet, but dealt him a buffet

Which doubled him up in a sailor knot.

It should be explained that at this he was pained:

He cried: "I have vexed you, no doubt of it!

Your fists's like a truncheon." "You're still in my luncheon,"

Was all that she answered. "Get out of it!"

And the Moral is this: Be it madam or miss

To whom you have something to say,

You are only absurd when you get in the curd

But you're rude when you get in the whey!